I’m going to have to be careful with this one, I think. I’ve thought a lot about whether even to broach the subject, but it has been on my mind so much lately that I think it requires some outlet.
Greatly pervasive in my thoughts in recent days has been the business of friendship. I really struggle with the idea of friendship, because since my family lives far away (or more accurately, I live far away from my family) I would be completely alone if it were not for my friends. (One of my very closest friends lives far from me as well, but somehow with her the distance really does not seem to matter much.) But having friends is not the same as having family (which in itself can be a bit on the shaky side too, I realize). There is only so much one can really ask of one’s friends. As much as your friends love you, they will always have other obligations that will come first in many circumstances. Totally understandable, completely justifiable, but sometimes strangely disappointing as well.
I recently read a quote that says “If I am falling and you remain silent you are nothing more than an aquaintance”. I wrote this down and stuck it to my computer monitor at work in the hopes that I would see it often and remember not to remain silent when I see that some other person may need me. But as I’ve read this over the past few weeks I’ve come to have a different reading of it than I had previously, and it has conjured some questions and emotions that I find myself brooding over and somewhat bewildered by.
Am I a good friend? To the people whom I call my friends, especially those I claim to care for and cherish the most…am I behaving as a friend or merely as an aquaintance?
But in my typical fashion, I also can’t help but ask the question: who are my real friends? Not the ones to whom I am a friend, but the ones who are friends to me? I’ve been going through a bit of a rough patch lately, and I’ve been in some instances a bit surprised as to which of my friends have really behaved as such. The usual suspects have been right there, solid as the rock of friendship can be. With others I have somewhat the hard way found that maybe I’m asking too much of them or maybe I’m expected to be something different from what I’ve been able to pull off the past few weeks or I have no idea what else, but whatever the case the connection was lost as soon as the difficult times began. And now that I’m starting to feel a bit better, somehow I’m expected to just accept the idea that things should be all hunky-dory again.
I won’t dwell on this or whine about it any longer. But to those of you whose actions have placed you firmly in the real friendship category, there is nothing I can say to express how thankful I am for you. I can only hope that my actions will speak as loudly to you as yours have to me.
Your musings echo mine. For many years I have maintained that I am NOT a good friend. I am too absorbed in my own world and pretty much expect others to be enrapt in theirs. However, I am insulated within a family of 6 that keeps me hopping. In becoming friends with others, I have to make time and energy available for them. The thought is almost overwhelming. But, oh, the benefits of a friend!!!!! There is something a friend can provide that a family cannot (and of course vice versa). There is a validity that comes from being able to choose a friend and choose to stick with that person. Tough times, bad attitudes, illness, funny little quirks and financial challenges can put a friendship to the test….and then is when you find who really loves you. It’s tough but it weeds out the less sincere or casual. Good to know in the long run. I still think I am a bad friend, but I am willing to learn to be a better one. I now see the greater benefits. All the best.
Hi girl, I’m afraid that I too often also fall short of what I should be doing to be there for friends, especially recently. But I have to say that you have been a solid friend and there for me more than I ever thought possible. Thanks ever so much for that. Miss you and I hope to see you again soon. Hugs, E